Tips for communication

Broad Communication Pointers

The shift can be challenging for everyone. Students are developing their own identities, learning from their experiences, and making more decisions independently. Adapting your communication style can help support this journey while strengthening your connection with them.

Treat Them as the Adult They Are Becoming

One of the most effective ways to encourage maturity and independence is to communicate with young people as emerging adults. Showing trust in their ability to make decisions and solve problems can help build their confidence and sense of responsibility. Even when you disagree, having respectful conversations can reinforce mutual understanding and respect.

Make Communication a Two-Way Conversation

As children grow into adulthood, relationships naturally evolve. Moving from directing conversations toward sharing thoughts and feelings can help create a more balanced and open dialogue. Using phrases that begin with "I" can encourage discussion and understanding, helping to foster a more adult-to-adult relationship.

Listen and Acknowledge Their Experiences

College life brings new challenges, from academic pressures to friendships, work commitments, and personal responsibilities. While it can be tempting to reassure them that everything will work out, young adults often value feeling heard and understood first. Taking the time to listen, acknowledge their concerns, and show empathy can help them feel supported as they navigate new situations. Encouragement and reassurance are often most meaningful when they come after careful listening.

Remember

Transitioning to adulthood is a learning experience for both young people and their families. Open, respectful communication can help build trust, strengthen relationships, and empower students to make the most of their college journey.

Practical Communication Pointers

Stay Connected in a Way That Works for Everyone

Before your student leaves for college, it can be helpful to have an open and honest conversation about staying in touch. Rather than setting rigid rules, discuss what feels comfortable and realistic for both of you. Having shared expectations can help everyone feel connected, supported, and understood during this exciting transition.

Short, Frequent Contact

College life can be busy, with classes, study, work, social activities, and new responsibilities all competing for attention. Short, positive check-ins can often be just as meaningful as longer conversations and may fit more naturally into a student's schedule. Regular moments of connection, no matter how brief, can help maintain strong family bonds.

Embrace Their Preferred Ways of Communicating

It won’t surprise anyone to hear that young people text much more frequently and speak on the phone much less frequently than in the past. Taking an interest in the ways your student prefers to stay in touch, whether through text, WhatsApp, Snapchat, or another platform, can make communication easier, more natural, and more frequent.

Encourage Connections with the Whole Family

As students settle into college life, it's easy for communication patterns to develop around one parent or guardian. Encouraging regular contact with all family members helps maintain important relationships and ensures students continue to feel supported by their wider family network throughout their college journey.

Offer Guidance While Fostering Independence

One of the most rewarding parts of supporting a young adult is watching their confidence and decision-making skills grow. There will be times when they seek advice and times when they simply need someone to listen. A helpful approach is to ask what they think about a situation first, encouraging problem-solving and independence while letting them know that your experience, support, and guidance are always available when needed.

Remember

The transition to college is a significant step for both students and their families. Staying connected through open communication, mutual respect, and encouragement can help young adults thrive while strengthening the relationships that matter most.

Valerie’s Story

I have two daughters who both went to university, one at the university at home and the other at a university in another country. Whether they are at home or abroad my advice would be much the same. It is hard to let go, however, they can be far more sensible than we give them credit for. Remember you have raised a young person capable of gaining a place at university and that counts for something. They will have new challenges and situations and may not run to you for help in the first instance. Stay in touch with them, on their terms. Their phone is in their hand but that doesn’t mean that they will reply immediately. 

As college life becomes more normal for them, they may decide not to come home at the weekend and stay with friends instead. Don’t put any pressure on them as they are becoming more independent and mature and are beginning to enjoy their college days. Allow them to have the time and space they want but always letting them know you are only a text away. If they are at college away from home, make an arrangement with them before you visit. This lets them know you respect their space. Don’t give them too much advice, they won’t take it on board and you will only become frustrated. If they want your advice they will ask you. Remember, congratulations to you for a job well done.

Deirdre’s Story

I have two children who have gone through the Leaving Certificate process and one more to go. It was a very stressful time for both them and me. As a parent, the trick is keep them motivated, explain that they have the work done and the most important thing of all is that they have confidence in themselves. Listening is a huge factor so always be prepared to listen and always be contactable. Each day during the Leaving Cert year and especially during the exam period brings its own set of difficulties. Be prepared for all eventualities.

As a parent it was important to stay calm and keep things in perspective, and try and alleviate stress as much as possible. For me as a parent it was important to be familiar with the LC timetable and listen and support them each day and give them plenty of praise and encouragement. When the exams end, take time out with them and always let them know that you are very proud of them whatever the outcome.

As the date for the results drew near, this was nearly more stressful than doing the actual exams. It is important to acknowledge their achievement and tell them how proud you are of them. Prepare them for the results no matter what the outcome. Always congratulate them on their achievement and praise them for sticking with their studies. Remember to always look for a solution, not a problem. Reassuring your son or daughter is very important and let them know that there are always options.

As a parent it is important to remember when the Leaving Cert. results fade, it is replaced by the reality of going to college. Be familiar with the services available to your child. Loneliness and making new friends is a huge factor and, at this point, you need to be in the background.  Don’t smother them. I have learned that being more of a friend rather that a parent, our communication was way better. Be supportive and encouraging at all times. Above all as a parent, stay calm!